Home is where the heart is
by Senchi Codo
Summary: "Oh, Harry." She whispered longingly. "Who are you? Are you real or just a fragment of my imagination?" Carina Black is having weird dreams about emerald eyes, fighting and creepy curtains. Will she ever understand these dreams? For the first time, I think, female Sirius. Slightly AU. Time Travel. Please read.
1. Carina Black

**I don't know where this came from. I was thinking about it for a while. There're a lot of female Harry/ Sirius, but no one tried to write female Sirius/ Harry. It's an interesting idea and one that I hope you'll enjoy.**

**P.S. I certainly don't own Harry Potter. If I did, I definitely wouldn't bother myself with studying and exams.**

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**Chapter 1: Carina Black**

Everywhere was dark with no hint of light source. She began walking in hope of getting out of this dream or nightmare or whatever it was. She knew she was sleeping, but couldn't muster the strength to escape this weird dreamscape. Out of nowhere, her vision was filled with bright emerald eyes. She felt like she was drowning into them, and the shore was so far away.

"_Harry. Harry. Haaaaaarrryyy." _The whispered name came from deep down her soul, and reverberated in her heart that she felt it about to burst out of her chest from the suffocating emotions she was feeling.

The whispers became louder and louder in her head. She stretched her hand wanting him to grasp it whether to save him or for him to save her, she didn't know.

She was falling through a ragged curtain far away from these emerald orbs that gave her back her life. She tried to stop her fall, her silver grey locked onto his which were pleading for her to not leave him, but the pull was too strong for her. She wanted to apologize and beg for his forgiveness, but it was too late.

The darkness surrounded her again, and again she could see no way out, but this time she could hear his tortured screams.

"CARINA!" He yelled. "CARINA!"

She longed to answer him back, but she didn't seem able to work her voice.

"There's nothing you can do, Harry -"

"Get her, save her, she's only just gone through!"

His screams were too painful and heart wrenching to hear. It sounded as if someone was killing his soul from inside.

"She hasn't gone!" He yelled."CARINA!" he bellowed. "CARINA!"

"She can't come back, Harry," said someone else, his familiar voice breaking. "She can't come back, because she's d-"

"SHE - IS - NOT - DEAD!" He roared. "CARINA!"

Every bout of his denials and every time he screamed her name, as though he was tortured, tore down at her heart. He was the light of her life and the strength that made her live through hell.

The voices faded, but the darkness remained and swirled around her, and suddenly she found herself in another dream.

She found herself on Hogwarts' grounds, her home. Hogwarts was the first and best home she had known. And she was back here with her friends and her family in the place that witnessed many of their times together.

She found him standing with his eyes closed and silently asked him to open them. As if in response to her silent plea, he opened his eyes and looked around.

They were neither ghost nor truly flesh, less substantial than living bodies, but much more than ghosts, they moved toward him, and on each face, there was the same loving smile.

James was exactly the same height as him. He was wearing the clothes in which he had died, and his hair was untidy and ruffled, and his glasses were a little lopsided. Remus was younger , and much less shabby, and his hair was thicker and darker. He looked happy to be back in this familiar place, scene of so many adolescent wanderings. Her smile and Lily's were the widest. They both stared at him hungrily as they drew closer to him. She was drinking in his features greedily, while finally allowing every emotion he stirred inside her to shine through her eyes.

"You've been so brave." Lily said.

He didn't speak. His eyes feasted on his mother and on her. When he looked at her, she saw the same myriad of emotions breaking through the barriers he erected.

"You are nearly there," said James. "Very close. We are . . . so proud of you."

"Does it hurt?"

"Dying? Not at all," she said. "Quicker and easier than falling asleep."

"And he will want it to be quick. He wants it over," said Remus.

"I didn't want you to die," He said. "Any of you. I'm sorry -"

He addressed Remus more than any of them, beseeching him.

"- right after you'd had your son . . . Remus, I'm sorry -"

"I am sorry too," said Remus. "Sorry I will never know him . . . but he will know why I died and I hope he will understand. I was trying to make a world in which he could live a happier life."

A chilly breeze that seemed to emanate from the heart of the forest lifted the hair at his brow.

"You'll stay with me?"

"Until the very end," said James.

"They won't be able to see you?" asked Harry.

"We are part of you," she said. "Invisible to anyone else."

He looked at her, " Carina, I'm sorry," he held out a hand to stop her interruption, "I'm sorry that I never realized it, but it has always been you. I would say I love you, but it isn't enough."

"I don't know when it happened. But I too fell in love with you, Harry." She said. "May be in another life, we would have had a chance."

"May be." He allowed.

Harry looked at his mother, then back at her.

"Stay close to me," he said quietly.

And he set off.

She woke up gasping with dried tears on her face. She got out of bed, and looked around. Yes, she was still in her seventh year dormitory. Lily, Marlene and her other roommates are still sleeping. It wasn't even dawn, still too early.

She had been having the same dreams for two months. She tried not to think about them, but she could still hear his screams, then the strange love confession. It was all weird. She tried to shake off the feelings, but her mind seemed to be betraying her, and all she could think about his emerald eyes, and the depth of his hidden emotions.

"Oh, Harry." She whispered longingly. "Who are you? Are you real or just a fragment of my imagination?"

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**This story is going to be in chapters. I already know how I'm going to finish it, but it might be some time before the next chapter, as I currently have exams which last till the end of the month.**

**Please Review**


	2. Harry Potter

**AN: I'm sorry that I took so long to update. First, I had exams, then real life got really busy. Also, I kind of lost my muse after I wrote a small part of the chapter. Anyway, I hope you like it.**

**P.S. My I.D pretty much says that I can't be J****. K. Rowling, so I can't claim that I own Harry Potter. Although I'm trying to buy Sirius Black.., Cedric Diggory..., Remus Lupin..., may be Charlie and Bill Weasley could be added to my list.**

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**Chapter 2: Harry Potter**

"_Come to me. Come to me. Come to me."_ The veil was fluttering in rhythm with his heart beats.

What was he doing here? He should go back to Teddy and to his friends. He knew they loved him, but he couldn't move away from the sight that haunted his nightmares.

"_Come to me."_ The voices from behind the veil were beckoning him, urging him to join them. It would be so easy to just step through, easier than going to sleep, she had said. He took one step forward as if hypnotized.

He had been dreaming about the veil ever since the end of the war. And now, that he was here, he found that he could still hear her as if he was watching a memory displayed in front of him.

"_Come on, you can do better than that!" She yelled, her laughing mocking voice echoing in his head._

He could still remember his screams for her to come back, the agony and despair suffocating, drowning him. He could also still remember his rage and how he followed after Bellatrix to make her feel the same pain he was feeling.

"_Come out, come out, little Harry!" She called in her mock baby voice, which echoed off the polished wooden floors. "What did you come after me for, then? I thought you were here to avenge my dear cousin!"_

"_I am!" he shouted, and a score of other ghostly forms of him seemed to chorus I am! I am! I am! all around the room._

"_Aaaaaah… did you love her baby Potter?"_

_Hatred rose in him such as he had never known before; he flung himself out from behind the fountain and bellowed, "Crucio!"_

Harry shook himself out of his reverie. He was glad that the bitch had died, his only regret was that he wasn't the one to kill her.

After that night that witnessed his worst mistakes, he had buried his grief for Carina in the deepest pits of his mind. He knew that if he allowed the agony of losing her to consume him, he would be unable to complete his mission.

"_Come to me. Come to me."_

He had tried so hard to act like a normal teenage boy, and so started to pursue Ginny. But Carina was always in the back of his mind. It had been unfair to Ginny, but he unconsciously compared her to Carina. And while Ginny was a great girl, she just wasn't the one his heart yearned for. The ironic thing had been that he was still unaware of his true feelings.

Ginny would move on, and be happy with someone who deserved her, not a man who could never love her, a man whose heart belonged to another woman.

As for his friends, he knew he should feel guilty about abandoning them after all they had been through. But how could he when he was so close to join her, to see her beautiful grey eyes once more? Ron and Hermione might not forgive him at first, but they would understand by time, and they still had each other. They would be happy together.

"_Come to me."_

Love was a foreign concept for him. May be that was the reason he didn't realize the depth of his feelings.

_Carina, you were the only woman for me. I loved you more than I could ever love anyone. You still are and always will be the most important person for me._

_I would have killed for you and I would have died for you. I am going to die for you to follow my heart all the way to you._

_I know you would not want me to do that once I completed my mission, and am finally free from my burdens._

_But forgive me, Carina, this seemed like the only way we could get to be together. I prefer my shoulders to be burdened and get to be with you, than to live burden-free without you in my life._

"_Come to me. Come to me."_

Harry took a step closer to the veil with his eyes closed and the invisibility cloak wrapped firmly around him. He pictured the laughing free girl in the photo he usually sat staring at in Grimmauld Place.

_I wish I had known you then. I wish I could spare you the horrors you suffered through. I wish I could save you. I wish I could hold you. I wish I didn't realize too much late how much I love you._

_I love you, Carina._

And with that last thought the Master of Death stepped through the fluttering veil.

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**I would really like it if you take just two minutes to write your review and tell me what you think. It might encourage me to update faster.**


	3. James Potter

**P.S. I am a brunette Egyptian girl, and I don't think J. K. Rowling is willing to sell Harry Potter anytime soon, so Harry Potter is still not mine.**

**P.S. I am so sorry for the late update. Real life got very busy that I barely had time to sleep. I freed my time as of late, so I hope to update more often, hopefully before next month.**

**I hope you enjoy the next chapter.**

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**Chapter 3: James Potter**

Carina crept silently down the stairs of the girls' dormitory in Gryffindor tower. It was five in the morning, still far too early. But nightmares and sleep don't go hand in hand.

After she had woken up, Carina took advantage of the empty bathroom to take a long relaxing bath. She then, decided to kill time by waiting for her friends in the probably empty common room.

"What are you doing up so early 'Rina?"

"Why are you awake?" she countered in response.

"Couldn't sleep. I guess I'm just too excited about my date with Lily." He paused, "Now, you?"

She thought about lying, but this was James Potter, her brother in all but blood. How could she justify lying to him when he was one of the few people that could comfort her?! Besides he knew her better than she knew herself, and would be able to spot her lies quite easily.

A moment of hesitation, then,

"Nightmares", came the quiet vague response.

James heaved a sigh, "I see. Come here."

He was sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace in the otherwise empty common room. James opened his arms for her, and she stepped into them allowing him to hug her, to provide her with comfort, safety and the beautiful feeling of belonging to a family who loved her.

They sat like that in comfortable silence for a few minutes staring in the fire dancing in the hearth.

_"__CARINA!" He yelled. "CARINA!"_

_"There's nothing you can do, Harry -"_

_"Get her, save her, she's only just gone through!"_

_"She hasn't gone!" He yelled."CARINA!" he bellowed. "CARINA!"_

_"She can't come back, Harry, She can't come back, because she's d-"_

_"SHE - IS - NOT - DEAD!" He roared. "CARINA!"_

" _Carina, I'm sorry,__I'm sorry that I never realized it, but it has always been you. I would say I love you, but it isn't enough."_

"_I don't know when it happened. But I too fell in love with you, Harry." She said. "May be in another life, we would have had a chance."_

"_May be." He allowed._

"Want to talk about it?" James' voice jolted Carina out of her thoughts.

"What?"

"You're obviously dwelling on this nightmare. Do you want to tell me about it? I am sure I can help."

"Prongs, please I just want to forget about it. You should just focus on your date with Lily, after all you finally got the girl."

"Stop distracting me Roxie, it isn't going to work. Besides, I told you before plenty of times that you are MY SISTER, so nothing in the world could prevent me from listening to your problems and helping you with them as much as I can.", then he began to smile mischievously, " And Lily likes it when she hears about this sensitive side of me."

Carina laughed a little and shook her head at his absurdity and successful attempt to make her laugh. She hugged him tightly, "You are the best brother a girl could have."

"I know", came the smug reply, "So, spill."

"It is just this war. We have been so sheltered here in the school that we just feel an echo of what is happening outside its gates. We are going to graduate in few months, and then" she gulped, "and then we will have to fight in a war that spares no one. I am afraid James, afraid of losing you and Lily, afraid of losing Regulus, afraid that the Marauders won't be able to stand in face of this war. Every time I look at you and Regulus, I feel like both of you are going to vanish in front of my eyes.

Mother is going to pressure Regulus to become a death eater, and I know that he is going to accept if only to protect me from their wrath."

"Talk to Regulus, 'Rina. He loves you and would do anything for you. He helped you escape to protect you from being forced to marry that sadistic Rabastan Lestrange. He even distanced himself from you to prevent attacks against you as a way to get back at him. You just need to talk to him Roxie."

"Ok, James. I will talk to him. May be I could convince him to run away once he comes of age."

"As for me, I can't promise you anything except that I will be careful, to put safety first and to try and act maturely."

Carina gasped, "Don't tell me that Messer Prongs, the Great Marauder has gone and grown up on us. Ms Roxie is appalled Messer Prongs."

James chuckled and allowed her to close the discussion, "I know, I am just as horrified as you are."

Carina stood up and stretched, "Come on, let's look at what you intend to wear on your dream date."

And with that, both of them ascended to the boys' dormitory.

Carina was thinking hard. _I am sorry, James. Sorry that I couldn't tell you the whole truth, but how could I tell you about Harry?! About the man who stole my heart only by appearing in my dreams. Oh Harry, how I love you. I just hope you are real._

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**P.S. Roxie is Carina's Marauder name. It means: Star; bright; dawn , so it refers to her Black origins (star), and gives a hint to her colour (dawn)**

**Please review even if just a few words, I enjoy reading all your reviews.**_  
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	4. Regulus Black

**A.N. First of all, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone. Secondly, I am terribly sorry about this late update. I know that I said I would have updated sooner, but this year is my final school year, and it has been so hectic (Whoever told you that specializing in pharmacy is a good idea, sock him in the mouth). I have started writing this chapter in October hoping to publish it at the end of the month, but then I became depressed. And when I started to write again, my mid-year exams were beginning, and we discovered that we are cut from the internet for a month. Currently I am updating from a friend's lap top. Wish me luck in my exams and for the net to come back soon. Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get it off me.**

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is still not for sale, but when it is, I'll make sure to buy Sirius Black, Regulus Black, James Potter and Remus Lupin.**

**Chapter 4: Regulus Black**

"Are you one of them, Regulus?"

"I am afraid I don't understand what you mean, Carina."

Carina scowled. She had dragged her brother into an empty classroom and warded it for privacy. She had to know if there was a chance to save him from the bleak future their mother planned for him. The idea of her beloved brother and her childhood friend turning into a ruthless murderer was so horrifying that it made her sick in the stomach.

"Don't act stupid Regulus. It doesn't suit you. Have you joined the death eaters? I have seen you hanging around Avery, Mulciber and Snape", she looked directly in his eyes beseeching him, "Please, Don't lie to me."

Regulus turned his eyes away from his sister's pleading gaze.

"No, not yet."

"Thank Merlin." Carina almost cried with relief that she was not too late to save her brother. "Promise me," she looked into his silver grey eyes, eyes identical to her own that used to be full of innocence, but now full of pain and conflict, "Please, Regulus, promise me you will not join them."

Regulus averted his eyes, "I can't promise you that Carina, and keep my promise. I really can't."

"Why, Reggie, why? Please, you are not like them. I know you. I know you are not like those Death Eaters."

Taking a deep breath, Regulus suddenly turned his eyes to her again, only this time they were cold impenetrable steel, "And what makes you think I am not just like them? What if I believe that they have the right ideas? After all," he sneered at her, "that was how our parents raised us."

Carina finally snapped, "They are murderers, Regulus. They torture and kill innocents in cold blood, innocents who have never done anything wrong besides being born. And you are not like those monsters, Regulus. You don't have it in you to kill, brother."

"Are you saying I am weak?"

Her voice softened, "No, you are strong, stronger than them. That is why I know you are not Death Eater material."

" Well, we will have to disagree then."

"Are you lying to me or to yourself, Reg? You are no more Death Eater than I."

"That is what you are deluding yourself to believe, Carina."

Carina stared at her no longer baby brother for a couple of minutes that seemed like a lifetime. She blinked back the hot tears that were threatening to fall, and then said bitterly, "Then I will pray we don't meet on the battlefield, dear brother."

A look of pure panic appeared on his face, and he barked at her, "What is that supposed to mean, Carina?"

She laughed a little mockingly, and cooed at him, "Oh Regulus! I didn't know you were so thick." she straightened her posture, and her eyes took on a determined glint, "The concept is not that hard to grasp, is it baby brother?! It means that as soon as I graduate, I am joining the fight against your dear Voldemort, the monster you are choosing over me, your sister," she said screaming the last word.

Regulus's face paled drastically. His eyes, which were now wild and radiating an almost tangible fear, were fixed on his sister, looking hopelessly for a hint to prove that that was one of her maddening jokes, but finding only fierce determination and stubbornness he knew too well. He suddenly began pulling at his hair, muttering quietly to himself, while pacing around the room, "Oh Merlin! Oh Merlin! What am I supposed to do now? Why is she always doing this to me?"

Carina's eyes softened, her stance relaxed, and she took a cautious step towards her brother, "What have they done to you, Reggie? What are you hiding from me? And please, for Merlin's sake, don't say nothing nor lie to me. I could help you. Let me help you."

Regulus just sighed and dropped his head in his hands in resignation. _How could he tell her? Could he tell her the truth? Eh, why not? She is obviously going to be in danger no matter what he did to keep her safe._

He raised his head, and spoke so softly that she had to strain her ears to hear him clearly, "The Dark Lord wants the Black Heir in his ranks at any cost. Bellatrix," he shot her a look to prevent her predicted interruption at the mention of their much hated and deranged cousin, "discovered that I don't want to be a Death Eater, and that I am not going to become a slave for a madman." He sighed and continued, "But she also discovered my greatest weakness."

"Which is?" Carina asked, her heart beating fast, and her tears threatening to choke her. She did not need the answer. She already knew what was coming next, but she just needed to hear it out loud. She really had underestimated her brother. He was braver and much more selfless than she could ever hope to be. How could she have ever thought him to be a spineless coward?!

"That there is one person for whom I would do anything to keep safe and unharmed." Regulus sank to the ground, "She was the one who made Rabastan offer a betrothal contract to marry you."

All Carina could think, _that bitch_. Regulus laughed hysterically, "And then she found out that I helped you escape their clutches. Oh Rina. I just wanted you to be proud of me."

Carina sank beside her brother and hugged him with all her might, "I have always been proud of you, Reggie. You never have to prove yourself to me. I love you, Reg, just who you are. Even if you join the Death Eaters, I could never hate you. Disappointed, yes, but never hate."

She, then whacked him on the head, "And you don't need to protect me. Since when am I a damsel in distress, huh?!"

He finally smiled a real smile at her, and a lot of the bitterness left his eyes, "Thank you Rina." And he didn't need to say for what. She already knew. He was seriously stupid to try and distance himself from her. She was the only person who really cared about him, and if he was honest with himself, she was the single most important person in his entire life. He couldn't leave her now. Together they would face the dangers ahead of them.

**A.N. I don't know when I'm going to update again, preferably before the end of January. The story is close to its end now.**

**A.N.2 I finished this on Christmas day, but I haven't been able to publish it until today. Consider it a New Year's gift from me. **

**Normally I don't enjoy confrontations. That's why I had a difficulty writing this chapter, but I hope you'll still like it. Either way, leave a review, please, pretty pretty please with sprinkles and cherry on the top.**


	5. In Another World

**Finally, here is our last chapter, and the much wanted reunion.**

**Disclaimer: I don't think J. K. Rowling is going to relinquish her rights to the Harry Potter characters anytime soon.**

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She was just sitting down in a deserted corridor. After her confrontation with Regulus, she wanted to be alone. That was fairly easy on a Hogsmead day. The school was almost empty. James was completely enraptured by his date with Lily, while Remus and Peter were just going to wander around the village.

The thought of Peter stopped her short. The complete loathing she felt bubbling in her towards him since her dreams had started was quite unsettling. If, as she feared, these dreams showed her the future, then what could have Peter possibly done that warranted such deep hatred?!

_I really shouldn't dwell on these thoughts, _she thought;_ I fear the pain that the truth will make me feel. I don't want them to be real because I am afraid of becoming that haunted woman, but how can I wish that?! _

Her mind turned to the emerald-eyed boy that plagued her dreams. He was a young man about her age, but she could never remember much about his features, except for his raven messy hair and his bright green eyes.

_I need him to be real. I can't deny that I am falling for him. I have never been passionate like this towards anyone before. He is different from any other man. He was everything I had ever hoped for, and he loves me. I really want him to be real, but someone like him is more suited to be in a fairy tale, a knight in shining armour. And ironically, I only see him in nightmares._

_Don't dwell on these nightmares. Don't dwell on them. Don't dwell, _she chanted to herself repeatedly trying to block out the darkness that seemed to haunt and surround her dream older self. Even then, she could still see herself in her mind's eye falling through that accursed ragged curtain and separating her from her soul's saviour, the only man able to capture her heart, _Harry_.

Quite suddenly, her sensitive ears caught the faint sound of footsteps coming around the corner towards her. Wondering who disturbed her peace, she stood up and resolved to leave that place when her eyes met bright emerald green staring at her in shock and wonderment.

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_I still can't believe that this is my life now. Lord Hadrian Peverell,_ he snorted,_ who would have ever thought?!_

_And now, _he sighed, _I am back at Hogwarts._ He was walking down a corridor leading to Dumbledore's office, lost in thought. Two months, it had been two months since he found himself alive and in the 1978. He found that his face had changed a little to avoid being recognized as a Potter, while at the same time keeping his main features. His magic guided him to Gringotts where he was declared Lord Peverell. He was able to collect most of the horcruxes, and all that remained was the diadem and Voldemort himself. So he went to the school, his first home and the place where the woman he loved was.

He never really expected to come out of the veil to find himself in the seventies. He never expected to come out alive at all. All he had wanted was to be reunited with her, to see her beautiful face again, to see her eyes light up with laughter and mirth, to hug her once more, to run his hands through her lusicious wavy black locks, and also to passionately kiss her like he had never been able to during both of their lives. He had desired his own death, the peace that would come from being close to her once more. But as always the case with him, when had ever anything gone with the plan?! He had cheated death for a third time. And now he had a new life in another time to build a new world.

Couldthat be his last chance to rectify his mistakes? To finish the war before it had destroyed the flower of an entire generation by its end? To save his parents, the Longbottoms, and other countless victims from their cruel fate? To protect her from the bleak future awaiting her? To be with her?

_That is if I even have the chance to be with her,_ he mused to himself. Was she even the same person? And would it matter if she was not? She was just a teenage girl, not the same woman who had been to hell on earth and survived to tell the tale. Could he love her just the same? He need not think for more than a second because theanswer was glaring at him not unlike the sun. Of course, he loved her all the same. In the end, she was still the same woman he loved heart and soul.

Suddenly, he sensed rather than heard a person just around the corner. His magic urged him forward to see that person. He just turned when his eyes met two molten grey orbs open wide in shock.

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"Harry," the name slipped past her lips without conscious thought, and the memories of her past future life rushed to the front of her mind. She pressed her hand against the wall to prevent her knees from buckling against their onslaught.

She remembered everything; her brother's death, James and Lily's wedding, Harry's birth, and changing the secret keeper at the last moment. After that came the horrific pain of seeing James' dead body, the sting of the betrayal, Azkaban and the her endless years of torment, seeing Harry so grown up, her forbidden feelings for him, and then dying. Memories and memories that threatened to tear her apart if not for the man in front of her.

" Carina," she heard her name uttered in fondness, awe, and most of all love. His voice pulled her from the memories that was flooding her brain which caught up on the impossibility of the situation.

" When and where was our first meeting?" Even she was astounded at her calm tone, when inside she was a wrecked mess.

Harry for his part acknowledged her need for a proof, " Before my third year, in Magnolia Crescent near my relatives' house, and it was not really a meeting. I just caught a glimpse of you in your animagus form."

Her hand came up to her mouth, but she couldn't stop the stream of tears down her cheeks. She chocked out a half hysterical laugh, half sob.

Harry just gathered her in his arms and stroked her back.

"Carina, why are you crying, love?"

Carina's hand came to caress his cheek, "I just can't believe you really are here. We are both back, Harry. We have a second chance."

Harry couldn't help but drown into her eyes, "Kiss me."

She didn't need another encouragement, and closed the gap between them.

She didn't understand the miracle that brought him to her, and now wasn't the time to ask. After all, they had all the time in the world. As long as he was with her, she would be happy, alive. She would belong.

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**This last scene was the one that inspired me to write this story in the first place. I hope you all enjoyed it with me.**

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